Just Getting By

I have been struggling lately.

Actually, that sentence seems to be true about many moments in my life.

Like the strong stubborn person I am, I just keep doing what I do. I just keep plowing forward.

I keep myself overly busy.

School full time. A 15/week (unpaid) internship. Homework. Transporting kids to dance lessons, soccer, girl scouts, playdates, therapy appointments… Cooking. Cleaning. Shopping. Projects with the kids. Bathing. Pets. You know, all the day to day necessities.

When I do have a “down” moment, I fill it. With craft projects (my current project is making almost all of my holiday presents this year). With research articles and theories that expand my realm of knowledge. With television shows that provide me with escapism.

And, when everyone else goes to sleep, I stay awake. Writing poems. Organizing rooms. Folding laundry. Talking to my cats. Anything to prolong having to end the day. Because the start of a new day is exhausting.

I hold it together quite well. I get excellent grades. I’m a good mother. My house is clean.

By all standards, I’m doing well.

Only, I have no idea how I’m holding it all together.

I just keep getting by.

Maybe it’s the time of year (how I loathe snow and the cold). Maybe daylight savings time is messing with me (why is it SO dark now??) Maybe I need a break (and who doesn’t?)

Maybe, maybe I’m doing the best I can. And, after a while, the best I can just doesn’t seem quite as “best” as it used to.

Whatever the case, I’m still here (in both a literal and figurative sense). I’ve been quiet but I’m still working. On myself. On my family. On being able to help whomever I can (which I hope is many).

I won’t give up, even though I’m struggling. And you shouldn’t either.

Because some day we will do better than just getting by.

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